Show me the meaning...

Is this just another story,

A little tale spun for me,
Is my life fated,
to live a life of hatred.

What is there to gain,
In living a life of shame,
With no one to blame,
It's time to take the train,
Taking things slow on the fast lane.


There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul

The Younger Days...

When I was young...No,please don't start singing that song...\

MEMORY 1...
Well,when I was little, I use to play with fire.Seriuosly,I mean it. I remember when I was around 5-6 years old, my maid went out to buy some groceries and Iremembered taking one of those metal tin biscuits,quite flat and square in shape,while taking a whole bunch of newspapers and a box of matches. Started burning the newspapers and throwing them into the tin and suddenly the flame looked a little too big for my liking and I panicked.Mind you,this happened IN the house.Grabbed a bowl,filled with water and just threw water on it.God must have bigger palns for me because nothing caught fire and fire no more... Just shoved the tin of water-ashed-newspaper under the cupboard.

MEMORY 2...
13-14 years of age,there was this unoccupied house which faces the jungle.This house is just right around the corner from my house.You know those old creepy houses,with cob webs and weeds as tall as you?Trust me,this is really unoccupied. But I found out that a female dog had given birth to 7 puppies and guess what,being the little tomboy and daredevil I was,I would creep out of the house go visit them,usually in the afternoon. I would crawl under this wired-fence and feed the little pups with the bread I brought along for me.What can I say,I've always loved animals.The visits became more often and the puppies were looking forward in meeting me and even the mother dog would await for the tasty morsel of bread. I can't stand the dogs looking thin and unhealthy. I would even go down to the drain to pick up one of the pups which had crawled out and barricaded it with some bricks...They soon grew up and left the nest but I remember that the mother dog would follow me to my house,and I was so happy. Then the dog cathcers/shooters came... It did not end well...

Ok,this got me depressed and now am going to drown myself in chocolate...

Kthnxbai...

I do not know why but for some really weird random reason, I find myself smiling when ever I see people use or say this phrase, kthnxbai which is ok-thanks-bye. I find it cute.It gives me the impression that the person using this said something wrong(in a cute way) and is trying to get out of the conversation as soon as possible. Don't understand me?Me neither...

Not use to the noise at home...

Mood:grouchy,with a tinge of irritation,a knack for sudden outburst and grumpy.

Argh...

I'm confused...Am I just being oversensitive or you are being overprotective and clingy?

Need space...

We're going down...

Little bits of lyrics from One Republic-All the Right Moves.

Do you think I'm special?
Do you think I'm nice?
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Between the noise you hear
And the sound you like
Are we just sinking in an ocean of faces?

It can be possible that rain can fall,
Only when it's over our heads
The sun is shining everyday, but it's far away
Over the world is death.

It don't matter what you see.
I know I could never be
Someone that'll look like you.
It don't matter what you say,
I know I could never face
someone that could sound like you.

It's the circle of life...

Have you ever notice that every time you wish for a holiday,majority of the time you would end up regretting as there would be nothing to do during the hols and the boredom is enough to kill?Well, I do.

I was literally begging to God for a holiday and when my holidays started, BAM, the boredom can kill. The boredom comes mainly from not being with friends as many are to lazy to meet up while in college we meet everyday and there's where the fun begins. I badly need to meet up with them and have fun. Oh, those crazy-ass things we college students do. =)

Well, as my holidays continue and when my next semester starts, you bet you will hear me whining that I WISH it was the holiday season already. It's the nasty continuous cycle of of life isn't it. Life is out there to annoy the crap out of you.

Life of balance,money and friends...

Funny isn't it, when life does not go according to plan and you are left in a whole big puddle of mess?

It is even funnier to think that our lives are going according to plan and yet some are not satisfied with it. Overall, humans are never satisfied with what they have, we crave for more and it is never-ending. The flow of need is and will always be there.

We all want what's best for ourselves right? Is it wrong to judge people? Choosing someone is a form of judgment,do you get what I mean? If we do not judge,then we would all be marrying the first person we lay our eyes on. Hey,no judgment right?Then why choose and pick and be all so-he's/she's-not-right-for-me crap.

We all judge,no matter what we say otherwise. Typically,we are a whole lot of liars. =)

You is liar,me too!

Throw me off balance. I am losing my foothold here!

Yeah, we all will fall down one day.No matter how hard we try to stay upright,we are doomed and bound to fall for eternity.(nah,just joking,haha,we get to stand up again,just wanted to know what it feels like to be a prophet of doom...)

Ok,end of balance topic,let's continue to the friends topic! (A change from all the thinking and doom and nonsense from the post above.)

My Fwens...

Mich's pre-birthday celebration.Hey, she's even grander than the Sultan,she gets to celebrate her birthday 5 times while he only gets to celebrate once.Yeah,it sucks to be the Sultan.. =)

Went to Tarbush(though for no particular reason,I keep calling it TarBRush) and the food was good. Mediterranean setting with the whole Arabian feeling to it. Was kinda expecting the waiters to come in flying carpets and the chef a genie. Reasonable,delicious and with portions enough to feed the entire calvary,what more can you ask for?

Thanks to PR and the late nights,I now have a huge(well,not that huge) zit on mah face! MAH FACE MAN! Hehe,not really bothered though. But I remember when I was still a innocent,puny,naive,peer-pressured teen,I would be so ashamed of it and will try to hide and when people end up noticing it,my self esteem gets really low, and a little depressed. Just a little mind you,I do not get in to the whole suicidal mode of wrist-cutting-building-jumping-pill-swallowing-knife-stabbing-rope-hanging-tree-chopping...???

Am not happy with my feet.Me no happy feet. First it was my hands,now feet?Skin peeling can be kind of addictive, if not gross... Bleugh...

Am gonna work with my cousin again who's a vet(for the benefit of those who don't know what a vet is, vet=animal doctor)

You know what,I want to be famous in my own way so that I can get invited to parties and stuff!!!

...

Ok,that was not me.Remember my alter ego I was telling you about, she suddenly resurfaced! Argh,need doctor now!!! *suffocates*

Well,after much thinking and disturbing and annoying people,I have finally come to the conclusion that I would keep my hair long again.And if I don't like it,I can always chop it off and ta da, short hair again! Brilliant aren't I?Genius! Bravo! *clap clap*

Ok,you know what,I think I better stop if not this will become an extremely weird-long-self-indulging post...

If you like me,please give me a holler...(argh,alter ego,alter ego! argh~~~~)

Autophobia...No, it does not mean the fear of automatic machines.

Autophobia aka fear of being alone.

I can't remember what I wanted to blog about...

Oh...I finished my assignments finally... That's all...

Life is short on this earth...

It didn't really hit me that life is this fragile.It never dawned on me that at such an age,at any age, death is capable of snatching it away without a reason,without an inkling of thought. Honestly speaking,I was shocked. It didn't seem to be real.I couldn't not fanthom how such one who was so full of spirit and joy could be gone...It didn't seem true.

Though we weren't that close,the impact is still there,the respect I had for him was enormous,from the way he handled things and to the strength and kindness he had shown to others.Joash Wee,you are and always will be a source of inspiration to others.

I had thought of mourning over him but a friend told me, why cry over him when he is already in heaven with the Lord,he should be crying for us,to those who are still here on earth.

Never take anyone for granted. Treat each day as if today was your last day,every person you see might be the last time you meet. If everyone would do that, the world would be a better place.

Joash,I'll say a prayer for your family and God Bless...

BORED out of my friggin mind...

hahaha...

If Life throws you lemons...

When life gives you lemons, find someone who has vodka and throw a party.

from dilbert
dogbert-"well, look on the bright side, you know, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade"
Dilbert-"I'm allergic to citrus"
"well, look on the bright side, you know, when life gives you lemons, swell up and die"

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and squirt it into other peoples eyes

When life gives you lemons suck out all of the vitamin C and yell “EAT THAT, LIFE!

When life gives you lemons just shut up and eat your damn lemons.

When life gives you lemons, find a kid with a paper cut.

Outburst...WARNING:This is not me,it's my alter ego.

Thanks for making my life shittier with your nonsense shit...

Honestly speaking,all the foul and four letter words are running through my head right now.Am not in the mood to be disturbed.Any little thing,even it's just a simple how are you can make me lash out in anger...Wow, anger management class much?

It has been raining since 2.45pm and it IS still raining heavily at 4.15pm and it doesn't look like it'll stop anytime soon.

Am in the study room blogging, ahhahah, the irony.

The cold has crept up to my nose and fingers. The tip of my nose is really cold right now and am wishing that my dogs are here to lick my nose.I might get a bloody frostbite and no one will care... The world hates me...

Came to college at 8am even though there was no class. Went to the student life center and poured my soul into the keyboard there.Hmmm,it looks like the keyboard will be having me as it's companion soon.

If a guy treats a girl very nice does it mean he likes her or is it just because he is just being nice?

If you answered yes,he likes her that's why he's being nice so do you mean that every guy out there who is nice to girls have ulterior motives?
And if your answer is that he is just being nice,but how can you be sure that he does not have feelings for that girl?

Why can't everyone just say what they feel?*Hinting to self*

SHIT!Why won't the rain stop!

I want to be a billionaire so freaking bad...

A fun night out...

This is an overdue post.Went to Laila's cafe in Kelana Jaya to support Jasmine who was performing her first gig. And I've never met a more talented,nice,noisy,irritating-in-a-way girl. But am really happy to be her friend,I'm honored actually.

Am not in the mood to blog a long post but what I can say about the cafe is,it's small and expensive.Food wasn't much to shout about,portions are small and really expensive. But the group of friends that were there made it up.So let me allow the pictures to do the talking...

In the middle of the road while waiting for Sheena's car to start.

Me and the super star,Jasmine!!!

Another talented young man,Kent who performed with Jasmine.

Sheena and I,she bullies me...

Nope,she's not drunk,she's a natural at looking like this...Teehee..=)

Jasmine took this while I was on the phone...

Jasmine,Michelle and I...(Sheena was busy running around and tripping on her own two feet.)

Kent and I were trying to push Sheena's car but it looks like I'm doing all the work aren't I?

Struggling...

It was like a full front attack from you. Everything you did just made it harder for me.I couldn't help but struggle to strengthen my resolve.

As hard as it is for you to let go,it is just as hard for me stick to my decision.

It seems that every where I go,what ever things I do,
It reminds me of you,
Even though I know,I'm being a fool,
Crying all day,every day,it's not cool,
Saying that those 2 years meant nothing,it's bull,
I've tried everything but I know I had to do,
The one thing that hurts you,
And yeah,it hurts me too.

I've been sleeping with a tear stained pillow as my only company...God,where art thou?

"Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others." ~ Stephen R. Covey

Ashamed and Broken...

I cannot undo anything that I have done. All I can do now, is put my best foot forward and walk on. I seek God for forgiveness and will let him do the rest.I want to tear my pain into two and burn them.
I'm so ashamed and broken...

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

How do I tell you I'm sorry -
With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized
I hurt you so very much?

I'm angry at you because every time I wanted to leave,you had all the right things to say to make me stay..

Hoping that every single tear that falls,it would bring comfort to you...

Is there a way to numb the pain...