Tough Love.

As his words stabbed at her heart, she thought she could count on him, show him her true feelings yet she was wrong. "Tough, I've always considered myself to be tough." The definition of tough to her does not mean the same thing anymore. She knew she was strong but emotionally?

People say that crying and showing that you've had enough are not signs of weakness but she begs to differ.

"I thought I could open up but look where it led me."

Naive. Another word that she used to take lightly now churns up anger in her. She once thought and believed the good in everyone but no more, she said to herself.

"No more shall I see the good in people as I am so tired of being taken advantage of."

"I give up...

I am so tired of being the nice guy, so tired of giving and giving until I feel that there's nothing left of me."

What little faith she has of humanity is crumbling. She is slowly losing faith in everything. Gone were the days when trust, dignity and respect were still the pillars of humanity. It has now been replaced with selfishness,pride and self glorification.

She has tried so hard to stand on her own principles but she is losing grasp on what she believes in. She feels she is fighting a losing battle all by herself. Darkness creeps up, slowly but surely devouring every inch of her light.

If you can't bet em, join em.

Remember Remember the 5th of May.

If I said I had lost the will to write, well, what better way to start by voicing out the injustice and dissatisfaction of my country's general election.

The 5th of May will be the very day that every Malaysian recalls the injustice and unfairness of the so called government. The voices of the people have  been BLATANTLY ignored.

I have never seen so much disappointment among Malaysians but on the other hand, I have never seen Malaysians so united against one common enemy. As one of the idiom in Malaysia goes, no matter how high the squirrel jumps, it will fall down one day.

Yes, we shall mourn over the loss of democracy but we will stand up and fight back. Stronger. It is not the government that makes a country, it is the people, the citizens, and we have the right to determine our own future.

Remember remember the 5th of May, 

Of disappearing votes and schemes in play,

Malaysians mourn on this very day,

To see injustice but we're here to stay.

The government should be afraid, be very afraid. A new generation is rising.

In my head.

One question. What the hell am I thinking?

Risotto and Italiannies

Let me talk about Italiannies first.

Trifoli? Trofili? I can't remember the name.

 This is the new dessert which I cannot remember the name. Basically it's made from ladies finger. No, not the okra, Ladies finger as in the Italian biscuit usually used in making Tiramisu. I think they used cream cheese, or maybe it was cream?I am not sure. Besides that, it was abundantly filled with chocolate chips. With a side of refrigerated seedless grapes, this dessert is not bad. I would have preferred if the cream was colder. They should have chilled it longer.

 This trifle dessert cost us RM16.90. A bit pricey for something quite small.

I ordered the calamari salad as I was craving for calamari since God knows when. It was delicious! I feel that this salad is worth the RM32.90 that I paid. Scrumptious. Tossed in some sauce that remains unknown to me, olives, artichokes, lettuce, mushrooms, tomatoes and the star of the night, my delicious succulent calamari. Well tossed in the sauce, I gobbled this up as if it was my last meal.

Italiannies serves one of the best Italian food in town. I must say their standard and quality in food has not failed me so far.

We also ordered the usual. The spaghetti carbonara. As usual, thick with the cream sauce and quite a generous amount of beef bacon. I said quite a generous amount because, no matter how much bacon you give me, it is never enough. Didn't get a picture of it as I was too busy stuffing my face with food.

So, the other day I decided to be adventurous and make risotto. Pumpkin risotto to be exact. I am not sure how risotto is suppose to taste like as I have only eaten it once and it seemed like it was a bit undercooked as the rice was chewy?

I put on a brave front and started cutting the pumpkin. And, I cut my finger, pretty deep. At first, I did not notice how deep the cut was till it started to bleed like there's no tomorrow. The very next day, I obtained another cut, paper cut I think, pretty deep as well. All on one finger, I have no idea how I managed to accomplish such a thing.

Yup, take a whole pumpkin and cut it in half. Toast/bake half of them and the rest, diced em and cook em in lots of butter. Need I say more?

Dicing em pumpkins that lead to bleeding. =S

Baking em. They tasted really good toasted,plain without anything. The natural sweetness of the pumpkin really stood out.

This kinda spoiled my dish. I followed the recipe straight to the dot. The cheese was a little to overpowering.

 Making risotto, is tiring. The constant stirring really wears you down. First, the white wine, let the rice absorb it, stir continuously, then the stock, repeat stirring, then add some more stock, then stir continuously, and on and on.

 

It tasted quite nice before the addition of the pumpkin and cheese. With the pumpkin puree added to the rice, it was pretty good. The rice still looked like it wasn't cooked enough. I had to keep on adding water, trying to soften it and at the same time, trying to figure out if risotto is suppose to be like that.

Question of the day: Does risotto taste a bit like uncooked rice? Chewy and a bit hard in the middle? Coz I'm pretty sure I cooked it long enough.

After the addition of the cheese. Ugh, it was real cheesy. Not to be bias or anything (I'm not a cheese lover) but even my family that loves cheese felt that it was a tad bit too cheesy.

ARBORIO RICE!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND IMPORTED STUFF SUCH AS ARBORIO RICE!

After buying all the ingredients for making risotto, except the rice, I realized I could not find any supermarket/hypermarket that sells arborio rice. You name it, Carrefour, Aeon, Cold storage and another hypermarket-that-supposedly-sells-imported-stuff-but-not-risotto-rice-and-therefore-I-can't-remember-the-name-hypermarket.

 Almost panicked but thought of Jaya Grocer. Even though the nearest Jaya Groces is quite far from where I live, I drove all the way to Jaya Grocer in hope to find Arborio rice.You cannot imagine how immense my joy was to finally see a packet of vacuum packed arborio rice on the shelves of Jaya Grocer.

So yeah, Risotto was alright. Since I still have some left over arboria rice, I might be making, mushroom and bacon risotto soon. This time, Imma omit the cheese.

Till then. Adios!

Big step...

Am I ready? Physically? Emotionally? Financially? Mentally???

I know it is the next step to take but it does not stop me from wondering, is it too soon? I am sure of my feelings but is it selfish of me to just take my feelings and wants into consideration. What about the others? Can they handle without me? More importantly, can I handle without them? Is it too soon? Who will do the things that I've done when I'm gone? Somehow, it feels like I'm torn in two.

Fell sick as the whole office is like a breeding ground for germs. Passing it to one another, coughing in an enclosed space, you are bound to fall sick. Gagged at a coughing fit this morning, I felt so sick, I wanted to curl up and beg my dad to send me home. It felt like I was literally coughing my lungs out.

Just another day before I turn 22. The difference between being 21 and 22 may not be  much but I have noticed a few changes. I no longer care about the petty stuff that used to get me so worked up I would scream my head. But in the first place, I wasn't much of a screamer. I was the stare-at-you-keep-my-mouth-shut-cold-war kind of girl. I never really bothered with words. I preferred the cold war.

Since this is a new year, 2013, though I did not really come up with a list of resolutions but there are a few that I've made to myself. First, I would learn to help people without expecting anything in return. Not that I expect people to give me stuff. I mean, I treat you nicely, and I expect to be treated the same but after many disappointing moments, I realized life still goes on whether I feel mistreated or not.

Secondly, I need to stand up for myself more. I tend to let people bully me. Not in a good way.

I also need to be disciplined. I need to learn to let go, to grow up. I need to follow through the decisions and choices that I have made without regret.

I need to learn to say no, I need to be more assertive, more importantly, I need to love myself more. No, don't get me wrong, it's not that I hurt myself or hate myself, I just need to let my body rest. I tend to overwork myself with chores, I tend to pretend to be superwoman. I rather see myself tired, worn out and injured than to see the same thing befall my loved ones. It's not wrong but there's a limit too how much I can put my body to.

Chris will be leaving soon. Heart breaks. Not to be bias or anything but among the others, she's the one I can really pour out my troubles too, the one where after a hard day of work, she can still put a smile to my face and make me laugh. She supports me whenever I need a friend, she knows when to keep quiet and just listen to me complain. We do not say I love you very often among us sisters but I really do love her. Truly I will miss her. I wish her all the best in her studies, may she find favor in God and among men, and may she be blessed as she is a blessing to others. All these while, I have protected you, literally trying to keep you away from the evils of the world and I pray that as you are away from me, God will be your protector, your guide and friend. You do not know how much I would love to be by your side. Chrissie, take care. I love you.