Tear me limb for limb and it won't hurt as much as this...

Damn,this is harder than I thought. Living and being with each other for so long has left me helpless and uselessly incapable. You literally have become a part of my life,incorporated,fused together.

Every minute I'll go running to my mobile,searching for a trace of you,whether or not you would give in first. It is so much harder than I thought it would be. The more I try to forget,the harder it becomes and the more it appears...

I'm like a caged bird,shackled...(well,maybe in this picture of a caged dog?)


I'm a mess.

My life is unacceptable,out of order...

IT HURTS...

Reflections of the Past...

There are two songs which I can use to describe my feelings and emotions right now...

LIFE AFTER YOU-Chris Daughtry
Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know

Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wastin' my time

Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you

You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
So I'm runnin' back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do, yeah

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through, yeah
Know there's no life after you

All I Ever Wanted-Kelly Clarkson
Tear up the photographs, but yesterday won't let go
Every day, every day, every minute
Here comes the emptiness, just can't be lonely you know
Every day, every day, hey, hey

This second chancin's really getting me down
You give and takin' everything I dreamed about
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you

I'd rather walk alone, don't wanna chase you around
Every day, every day, every minute
I fall a thousand times for I let you drag me down
Every day, every day, hey, hey

Your new beginning was a perfect ending
But I keep feeling we've already been here before
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was

Tell me with so many out there why I always turn to you?
Your goodbyes tear me down every time
And it's so easy to see that the blame is on me

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you

Yup,these 2 songs are exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Making this decision is as hard for me as it is to you.

Those times I've been hurting you,acting so immaturely, so selfish, so indecisive...

Hopefully with this one month of self reflection will help me to appreciate you more and the things you have done for me. It is also the time for me to realize,my own self worth and what I want in life.

It aches me to see that the amount of hurt and pain I've caused and inflicted on you,and yet you remained as stubborn as I am. Which is a trait I find amusing and irritating at times.

Drowning my own thoughts with the blasting music and yet the very image and the very words you left me is as clear as the chime of a bell in the middle of a quiet scene. Life is never as easy as people claim it to be but you always insist that it is and argue me with it.

I can't say these things to you but as you read this,I really hope that you do know that I love you...

Because I love you so much,there are times I have to admit that it has dragged me down.Tearing me away from myself.The knowledge of knowing that you would catch me when I fall,protecting me... You can say that I've lost,somewhat my self confidence,my own little spark of cheekiness and risky behaviour.

Saying these words now would be meaningless...But nevertheless,I just want to say that...

I'M SORRY...