To be honest, going for camp was a hasty decision which I was neither happy nor sad, excited nor gloomy. When Pastor Chris called for an alter call, I was hesitant and unsure whether God would speak to me again after all those times I have ignored His calling and shunned His love. Afraid and uncertain as I was, I took a tiny step forward,and suddenly it hit me. How great and unchanging God's love has for me. In my heart I instantly saw that all my sins have been forgiven, all I had to do was to take the first step and I was redeemed. I was saved. At that moment, the strong love and message that I felt brought tears to my eyes, I finally could cry and pour out my heart to God.
All the pain and suffering that I felt was because of my own doing, my own disobedience. I chose to carry my own pain and burden when God was there waiting with open arms to carry them for me. He went through so much pain and suffering so that we do not have to go through it ourselves but as usual, being humans, we thought we can do it all by our own strength.
For almost more than a year, I've let my heart turned so stone cold that I felt nothing. I was numbed towards any feeling and spiritually, this has been the lowest point of my life. Don't get me wrong, I still believed that God exist but I had locked Him up and tucked Him behind, way behind, like an unwanted object that was only hindering my way. I chose to find my own satisfaction, my own happiness and joy but during the alter call, I found out that joy and happiness can only be found at God's feet. All the time, I was searching for something that was already right in front of me, just waiting for me to receive it and yet time and time again, I've turned my eye from it and chose to go my own way.
Most of the time, we take God for granted. I started to take God for granted, yes, He is there for me, yada yada yada, sermons went in one ear and out the other. Praying became a chore, reading the Bible was as scarce as finding water on a desert. Slowly but surely, I was turning my back against God. Inside of me I knew I had to change but I was stubborn and therefore, I turned my back and walked out the door.
After walking out the door, I felt that praying was useless, and so I stopped praying. I felt that sermons were boring. Worship a drag. I have become what we call a Sunday christian. Not only that, being in this state I've dragged people down with me as well.It is so much easier to drag down a person than to lift a person up. Looking back now, I feel so foolish.
In that ignorant state I was, I searched for entertainment and satisfaction from the world. What I felt was just temporary, I was always left wanting more. Nothing seemed to be able to satisfy me. Guess where I found my satisfaction and peace? By just taking one, ONE small step towards God. Just by saying I'm sorry, God had wiped my slate clean, He has carried me again, lifted me again.
This is my personal experience not some cock and bull story. Many times, I do not understand His ways but if we are able to understand everything, than what's the use of having God around to depend on?We may want to depend on our own strength and sometimes we may succeed but there will be a time when we need someone to lean on, to depend on, that is what God is for. Sooner or later we need to stop and rest. There is no such thing as a lone ranger. No one can survive being alone.
This is my testimony. My story, my life. My God has helped me in everything, He has protected me.Loved me. Every day that I am alive is proof that God exists and is everywhere, taking care of our needs, wiping away my tears, carrying me when I am weary, healing my heart.
His love for me is unchanging, faithful and is forever.
