About me (Part II)-Breaking Point

They met at the park often, sitting on the same bench every time. He looked forward to these meetings. Surprisingly he noticed how easy it was for the both of them to ease in and out of conversations. The only downside was her unpredicted mood swings. One minute she would be talking animatedly, words streaming out like a speeding train and the other minute, she would refuse to utter a word, like a clamped up oyster.

From these conversations, he was surprised to find out that she was many years younger. Yet, this did not show from the way she carries herself. She had an air of maturity on her. With the time spent with her, he noticed that the responsibility that she carries has forced her into adulthood far beyond her years. Naturally, he was compelled to help her, to listen to her, even if it was just to lend a listening ear, he was more than willing.

Though she was matured for her age, he was aware of moments in which she would let loose. She had become accustom to him to be able to vent her frustrations and sometimes even anger at him. He knew she would come to regret it later but at least he understood that she had him as an outlet to unleash her suppressed disappointments and aggravations.

“ Like a loose cannon you are,” he remembered telling her, when she had poured out her irritations and annoyance, “ you hide and keep everything inside of you, building and ignoring your own resentments, your anger until you can’t take it any longer before you blow up on me,’’ he had continued to tease her.

He knew the facade she plays, the mask she puts on in front of everyone and he was glad to be able to see her true self once in a while. The scoff she had gave him after that little lecture of his was it confidence or ignorance, he could not discern. She had boasted that she was able to handle her own emotions well if not for some random outbursts, she was doing very well thank you. She had ignored his advice and had pushed his help away.

It was soon to be known, that it was this slow build up that had lead to her breaking point.

16/5/2011

To be continued...

About me (Part I)

She asked, with tears glistening in her eyes, "will you write a book about me?"

He knew she was dying and yet he did not want to accept the fact that she would be gone soon.

"No, you'll get better and then you must write your own story," he answered as he choked back the tears. He had to appear strong; he must not let her down, must not show his true emotions.

He recalled those wonderful years he had with her. She with those dark brown eyes, short choppy haired, my pixie haired angel he used to call her. Her small petite frame belies the strong and determined nature she had. Not to be fooled, she was strong. Petite frame she may be but she was sturdy and tough. He knew she did not like depending on people no matter how much she needed help. But now, seeing her lying on the bed, worn out and drained by the many years of self-inflicted pain due to her stubbornness he regretted not forcing her to stop, he regretted not being able to change her mind set. He knew this scenario would not have happened had he been more firm with her, just by trying a little harder and not giving in to her obstinate, headstrong and sometimes childish behavior.

"A little too late for regrets now," he thought.

He remembered seeing her for the first time, sitting casually on at the ledge of a balcony. Slowly but surely, he started to notice her more, usually walking down his street, at the park. What attracted him most was her special smile when she was in the presence of a child, a baby. At the park, he noticed she would head straight to the mothers. Asking for permission, she would cuddle the child, with such love in her eyes he could not resist. Surprisingly, she was the one who approached him first. No matter how hard he tries to recollect, he fails to remember the exchange of pleasantries, from the little piece of paper with her number on it to the first call he made, the memory continues to elude him.

To be continued...

Look First.

Sometimes, explanation does not work for me. There are times when I feel the need to explain myself and yet I am cut off and not given a chance. That is why sometimes, I rather keep to myself than explain.

Have you ever felt, that no matter what choices you make, you are still in the wrong. Nothing you do seems to make sense to them, nothing is right.

Blasting off music loudly to drown my thoughts.

A long update from the long absence.

One dark and gloomy afternoon, driving back from Taylor's.

Went to Jeram Toi to visit the waterfall.


The old dog in the house, Benji.


This plate costs an extravagant RM12. Tsk tsk tsk, for students like me in Taylor's is like a pig in a slaughter house, not that I'm a pig but yeah, the exorbitant price is...

Did some cooking during the weekend.

French beans,tauhu and pork.

Bitterguard with ducks egg.

Bowl on the left is chicken's egg, and duck's egg on the right.

The cute puppy called Google. Friend's dog. As small as the size of my palm.


Actually there are more pictures but am a little too lazy to transfer them. Might have a whole new post dedicated to the next bunch of pictures. =)