Outburst...WARNING:This is not me,it's my alter ego.

Thanks for making my life shittier with your nonsense shit...

Honestly speaking,all the foul and four letter words are running through my head right now.Am not in the mood to be disturbed.Any little thing,even it's just a simple how are you can make me lash out in anger...Wow, anger management class much?

It has been raining since 2.45pm and it IS still raining heavily at 4.15pm and it doesn't look like it'll stop anytime soon.

Am in the study room blogging, ahhahah, the irony.

The cold has crept up to my nose and fingers. The tip of my nose is really cold right now and am wishing that my dogs are here to lick my nose.I might get a bloody frostbite and no one will care... The world hates me...

Came to college at 8am even though there was no class. Went to the student life center and poured my soul into the keyboard there.Hmmm,it looks like the keyboard will be having me as it's companion soon.

If a guy treats a girl very nice does it mean he likes her or is it just because he is just being nice?

If you answered yes,he likes her that's why he's being nice so do you mean that every guy out there who is nice to girls have ulterior motives?
And if your answer is that he is just being nice,but how can you be sure that he does not have feelings for that girl?

Why can't everyone just say what they feel?*Hinting to self*

SHIT!Why won't the rain stop!

I want to be a billionaire so freaking bad...

A fun night out...

This is an overdue post.Went to Laila's cafe in Kelana Jaya to support Jasmine who was performing her first gig. And I've never met a more talented,nice,noisy,irritating-in-a-way girl. But am really happy to be her friend,I'm honored actually.

Am not in the mood to blog a long post but what I can say about the cafe is,it's small and expensive.Food wasn't much to shout about,portions are small and really expensive. But the group of friends that were there made it up.So let me allow the pictures to do the talking...

In the middle of the road while waiting for Sheena's car to start.

Me and the super star,Jasmine!!!

Another talented young man,Kent who performed with Jasmine.

Sheena and I,she bullies me...

Nope,she's not drunk,she's a natural at looking like this...Teehee..=)

Jasmine took this while I was on the phone...

Jasmine,Michelle and I...(Sheena was busy running around and tripping on her own two feet.)

Kent and I were trying to push Sheena's car but it looks like I'm doing all the work aren't I?

Struggling...

It was like a full front attack from you. Everything you did just made it harder for me.I couldn't help but struggle to strengthen my resolve.

As hard as it is for you to let go,it is just as hard for me stick to my decision.

It seems that every where I go,what ever things I do,
It reminds me of you,
Even though I know,I'm being a fool,
Crying all day,every day,it's not cool,
Saying that those 2 years meant nothing,it's bull,
I've tried everything but I know I had to do,
The one thing that hurts you,
And yeah,it hurts me too.

I've been sleeping with a tear stained pillow as my only company...God,where art thou?

"Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others." ~ Stephen R. Covey

Ashamed and Broken...

I cannot undo anything that I have done. All I can do now, is put my best foot forward and walk on. I seek God for forgiveness and will let him do the rest.I want to tear my pain into two and burn them.
I'm so ashamed and broken...

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

How do I tell you I'm sorry -
With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized
I hurt you so very much?

I'm angry at you because every time I wanted to leave,you had all the right things to say to make me stay..

Hoping that every single tear that falls,it would bring comfort to you...

Is there a way to numb the pain...

Short hair? Long hair?

Short hair?

Long hair?

Short hair?

Long hair?

Whatever,I've already made up my mind to keep my hair long so no matter what your opinion is, you can keep it to yourself thank you...

I lead a very demanding life...

AM currently addicted to the song "Billionaire" feat. Bruno Mars..

First of all, I sorry for not updating my blog. This is one of the common problem among bloggers. The inability to keep track and continue faithfully to update on one's own blog. I am in that category, but as we all know very well, we are not perfect...Therefore, as an apology,I will write a long post while trying to compress the happenings in my life into one post. Happy reading!

A lot of things have been going on in my life. And I find it very hard,excruciatingly painful and tough to juggle my life at the moment. I am currently trying to balance and sort out my life. It is difficult trying to cope with all the things right now. I have to worry about:

1. my family, my duty as a daughter(which I am seriously doing a terrible job)

2. my role as a sister(even worse),

3.my responsibility as a student(pretty much the same as the above),

4.the role of a girlfriend (hey,who ever said relationships were easy and smooth-sailing should go throw themselves against the wall, liars),

5. my commitment towards my ministries in church which is dance and the worship team,ARGH!!! WHICH REMINDS ME,I HAVE TO PREPARE THE REGISTRATION FORM FOR DANCE!!!!(i need a break from dance ministry but can't find the guts to ask for a time off and am more afraid that there are not enough leaders to lead dance. Worship ministry,I found out that I am doing an awful job as a keyboardist as I lack the practice and determination to improve my skills.)

6.my job as a baker(the 1.5kg of cream cheese is going to expire soon and therefore needs my skills to produce cakes,biscuits and other what-nots using that pitiful cream cheese.)

7.my responsibility as an owner(I have 3 pups and 3 grown dogs which I need to groom and bath them weekly. By the way,did I mention that my puppies are super CUTE AND ADORABLE and they are for sale.If given the chance I would love to keep them all but as I now have 3 dogs, it is kinda hard to handle another 3 more bouncy,lively and active puppies.)

8.my duty as the grass cutter(yeah,you read that right,I have a pretty big garden and I am in charge of cutting the grass using the super-shaky-vibrating-and-throbbing grass cutting machine every time the grass grows to be too long which takes only 2 weeks to grow back. Why can't hair grow as fast grass grows? And every time I cut the grass, my hands always ends up being very red,a little swollen,numb and it throbs.)

9.my duty to myself( Wah,I've put on weight! Well, I seem to have put on some unwanted pack of meat around my tummy area after 2 weeks of not doing my regular sit-ups and exercise.Hrmph... I have been putting pressure on my body by sleeping late,well,it's not really my fault as I have to rush to finish my assignments,I stayed up till 5am in the morning and woke up at 8.30am the other day.Not good for body and I just recovered from dengue!)

10.my duty to my relationship with God...(need I explain more.I am in deep s***t,God can just smite me now and I am,remorsefully, still in the wrong.)

The list can go on but as far as I can recall, these are the things I can only remember at the moment.So,let me continue with my long winded story.

Well,I had dengue. Had a bad case of fever for more than a week, with doctors telling me that it was jut viral fever without even taking a blood test. Finally when the red spots appeared only was I admitted to the hospital.Having dengue is not fun let me tell you.Your hands and feet will ITCH like crazy! Due to the itch,I could not sleep for 2 days and when I was admitted to the hospital, the doctors prescribed sleeping pills so that my body will be able to rest and recover.My experience in the hospital wasn't very fun.I had to have my blood drawn every day with an IV drip attached to me on my hand like an annoying growth. Oh yeah, and the boredom is enough to kill!Well, I soon recovered after having gallons of watermelon juice force down my throat,well figuratively speaking.Now the thought of watermelon juice is enough to make me turn green on the face.

With the great dilemma of having dengue comes the great responsibility in having to rush to finish and submit your assignments.I was literally rushing and without sleep for almost a week due to the effort in trying to finish and submit my old assignments with new ones piling up even though I had asked for extensions. It wasn't enough... But I really thank God that I was able to finish my assignments without much trouble,and I want to thank all those who had helped me by answering my annoying questions about assignments and providing the notes and information.(Sheena Liam,Amber Khoo,MichelleLICIOUS, Wei wen and Jasmine from the Joseph clan.) =)

Went for the Bible College Food fair/carnival thingy yesterday which was Friday. It was to support some charity thing,not to sure though... The effort the people and organizers put in was really good. Wished my sisters and family were there too.Would have enjoyed it much more. Encountered some disappointment that day... Went home and it was really good,I've missed my family.As I've mentioned above,I was being a very lousy daughter and sister therefore I tried to make it up to them while making the decision to be a better person for my family.When I came home I just felt like baking so I made vanilla cupcakes from a recipe which I got from the newspaper. As usual, baking helped me to take some things off my mind and it did lessen the disappointment that I felt that day.My eldest sis is now down with dengue. Let me reaffirm my statement,DENGUE IS NO FUN!

The skin on my hands are peeling really badly as I have been doing my own cooking and washing in college.My fingers kinda look like wrinkled prunes with its' skin peeling. Yuck...

Well,that is all for now,I hoped that you would be at peace and forgive me for not updating with this long post this time. Hopefully I will have the time and try to update more frequently.

I really want to have a child of my own.I want to be a mother.I want a little boy or girl of my own to cuddle and love. The tiny life that I want to protect and keep safe from any harm. I want to be a mother...

Cheezie World....

Cream cheese Cookies!

Chocolate cream cheese swirl brownie!

My dad bought a 2kg slab of cream cheese and it is my responsibility to make something out of that cream cheese.He bought it in January if I'm not mistaken.Therefore I have to use up the cheese quite soon now.The cute designs were done by my super duper artistic mum.

I wouldn't be able to handle both cookie and brownie if it weren't for mum helping me!

And it turned out REALLY GOOD! My dad who is not a cake/sweet tooth lover,really liked the brownie!

Yummy!