Tear me limb for limb and it won't hurt as much as this...

Damn,this is harder than I thought. Living and being with each other for so long has left me helpless and uselessly incapable. You literally have become a part of my life,incorporated,fused together.

Every minute I'll go running to my mobile,searching for a trace of you,whether or not you would give in first. It is so much harder than I thought it would be. The more I try to forget,the harder it becomes and the more it appears...

I'm like a caged bird,shackled...(well,maybe in this picture of a caged dog?)


I'm a mess.

My life is unacceptable,out of order...

IT HURTS...

Reflections of the Past...

There are two songs which I can use to describe my feelings and emotions right now...

LIFE AFTER YOU-Chris Daughtry
Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know

Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wastin' my time

Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you

You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
So I'm runnin' back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do, yeah

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through, yeah
Know there's no life after you

All I Ever Wanted-Kelly Clarkson
Tear up the photographs, but yesterday won't let go
Every day, every day, every minute
Here comes the emptiness, just can't be lonely you know
Every day, every day, hey, hey

This second chancin's really getting me down
You give and takin' everything I dreamed about
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you

I'd rather walk alone, don't wanna chase you around
Every day, every day, every minute
I fall a thousand times for I let you drag me down
Every day, every day, hey, hey

Your new beginning was a perfect ending
But I keep feeling we've already been here before
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was

Tell me with so many out there why I always turn to you?
Your goodbyes tear me down every time
And it's so easy to see that the blame is on me

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you

Yup,these 2 songs are exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Making this decision is as hard for me as it is to you.

Those times I've been hurting you,acting so immaturely, so selfish, so indecisive...

Hopefully with this one month of self reflection will help me to appreciate you more and the things you have done for me. It is also the time for me to realize,my own self worth and what I want in life.

It aches me to see that the amount of hurt and pain I've caused and inflicted on you,and yet you remained as stubborn as I am. Which is a trait I find amusing and irritating at times.

Drowning my own thoughts with the blasting music and yet the very image and the very words you left me is as clear as the chime of a bell in the middle of a quiet scene. Life is never as easy as people claim it to be but you always insist that it is and argue me with it.

I can't say these things to you but as you read this,I really hope that you do know that I love you...

Because I love you so much,there are times I have to admit that it has dragged me down.Tearing me away from myself.The knowledge of knowing that you would catch me when I fall,protecting me... You can say that I've lost,somewhat my self confidence,my own little spark of cheekiness and risky behaviour.

Saying these words now would be meaningless...But nevertheless,I just want to say that...

I'M SORRY...

GAHHHHHH!!!!!

New lakeside campus:Food is terribly expensive and does not even taste nice.I want to go back to Rouche. I'm currently trying to do my assignments but something is bothering me...Well, besides the food issue.

I am annoyed,restricted and a lil angry.Oh yeah,and HUNGRY!

I want fries,wedges,mashed potatoes,fried chicken, JUNK FOOD!

(T.T)

These cravings have to go.Problems is I'm currently surviving on apples again.Usually I have a heavy lunch in college but since we've moved to the new campus,food is expensive.Therefore, for breakfast I would either skip breakfast or if I have time I would have a cup of milo or coffee and some digestive biscuits. For lunch I would have a stingy,small and overpriced sandwich. Then for dinner,an apple?Or if I'm blessed,someone would take me out for dinner.

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excuse me,are you a christian...

Ok,while walking in KLCC,I was stopped by this man or you could call him a pondan/transexual, he or should I call him a she? Well,never mind,let me call that person him,well,he stopped me and said,"excuse me,are you a christian or chinese?'' And I said yes,I am a christian. He then proceeded to tell me that he is a catholic and he said that because he makes up and dressed something something,well,I couldn't hear what he was saying with the noise and everything,but then he stopped me and asked me to walk together with him and at the same time he asked me for some money for a bus ticket. I stopped and said,"Oh,I'm sorry but I am also taking the train back and have enough money for the fare." And you should have seen the look on his face,he just huffed and walked away,must be looking for his next prey.



He must think all Christians are naive and gullible.Yes,we are taught to help those who are in need, but God never asked us to make a fool of ourselves. Well,to that fella whoever you are,go and earn yourself some proper money from a proper job and stop tricking people.I wonder what he would have said if I said I was a buddhist and not a christian,would he suddenly convert just to cheat some poor bloke of their money?

Must religion be taken lightly?I've known of people who are free thinkers and call themselves atheist or agnostics. Don't get me wrong,I'm not condemning you guys but,I just wonder,how does it feel,not believing in anything?

Ghosts and fears...

This is part of my assignment.My CRR project.CRR is computer:Rhetoric and reasoning...

Make up was done by Sheena Liam.It was tiring but at the same time enjoyable.We had to shoot some scenes and it was hilarious watching the scenes. Especially the little zombie that goes rawhhhh...

What's the difference between mee mamak and maggi goreng? I've always craved for maggi goreng but the other day when my friend ordered mee mamak,I think I must have been craving for the wrong item.

According to Sheena,her house is haunted.Well, this is a very gray/grey area for me. I have to say that I believe in ghost and yes I am quite afraid of them. But there are times when I have been spiritually strong and when my walk with God was still strong I am braver and I had the belief that they could not harm me. Because every time I was afraid of the dark,I would just say "Jesus" and I really am not that afraid anymore. It was comforting to know that there is some one who is even greater than ghosts,ghouls and spirits. I am actually afraid of the images of ghosts and spirits that have been portrayed by the media. In truth,I am not afraid of them but because of the way the media has shown and stereotyped the way ghosts are suppose to look like,well,that scares me honestly.

The typical scary ghosts that I know of is the old,toothless,and a face full of warts and worms woman, the young murdered pregnant mother with long hair,big red eyes/white pupils etc, the young slaughtered kid,headless and many others. That is why if given a choice I would not want to watch horror films.Call me a chicken or a coward but I prefer to have my sanity and the safe feeling than to give in to peer pressure and scare the daylight out of me.But I do like to hear ghost stories though.I like how people are able to use their imaginations to come up with the plot and the storyline,the characters,the revenge,the murder...Hmmm,intriguing.

A post of Pups,crazy friends and performance....

Ok,first thing is, my church, Agape Gospel Assembly is currently having a musical,a kinda overdue musical titled "Bow The Knee." Honestly,it is tiring,the practices every week,and there was this full dress rehearsal where the cast had to spend the whole day in church,literally. From 8.30am till 10 something at night.There are its' ups and downs,the joy and the pain in putting this musical together but I am thinking of taking a break.I've been in musicals since 2004? and I have not watched my own church's musical as an audience.I've always participated.I think it's time for me to sit back and enjoy the show.Another hectic day tomorrow. Wheee..





Well,like the post said,crazy friends.Well,crazy friends are crazy friends.


















These are the bunch of crazy friends I was talking about.Michelle is the cute lil girl in blue while the tall gigantic skinny model is Sheena,Jasmine is the exotic EURASIAN girl with long hair and Mark is well,Mark.
They stayed over at my house and the noise and fun that we had was hilarious and interesting.I showed them Seremban and I've not really asked their opinions on Seremban. I really hoped you guys enjoyed your stay in Seremban. Haha,put these guys with 6 cute puppies and they can stay there for hours and hours,just playing with the puppies.I got to see the other side of my friends,the soft hearted,the trying-really-hard-not-to-curse,the-i'm-afraid-of-dogs-but-think-they-are-cute and the one who loves hogging all of them.

Am really tired but I couldn't resist not blogging as I had tried to blog this afternoon but I was having a writer's block.Strange isn't it.I'm so tired but there are so many things I want to tell you about but when I have the time and energy,I can't seem to spit out a single word.



Please do try to ignore any spelling or grammatical mistakes as I am seriously very tired,my eyes are closing and yet there are so much I want to tell you.

So,that's all for now... Till we meet again!

Money and water...

For the past week,I've been acting like a spoiled little rich kid. I basically threw money into the air.Thanks to a certain someone who reminded me about the values of saving did I then realize the power of money which I had succumbed to.

Well,Mich,Mark and I hung out for a while in KLCC and we had a blast of a time.

Well,as I went back to my apartment, and to my surprise the water has not returned! I was so angry.They had cut the water supply from afternoon and hello,I NEED MY BATH! After much contemplation, and with the help of Pip,we carried my pail,and all my old water bottles and my electric kettle down to the water machine to buy water for my bath. It was time to use up my coins thank to some afro dude who decided to give me my change all in 10 cents. Well,i did come in handy. It was so hilarious. The other funny thing was that because I was so upset I had worn my bedroom slippers out instead of my normal slippers.You know those thin hotel slippers,yeah,I wore that out,from the lift and outside.I have to say,I was pretty embarrassed!

And as Pip carried the pail of water up for me,he spilled,or should I say he splashed a large portion of water across his chest.And he was wearing a blue t-shirt and it was pretty obvious.

I had a really good laugh. Thanks to all those who made my day.